Sognatore
by Jeffrey Dahmer
Summary: Because insanity rhymes and death is the only cure.


_Because Insanity Rhymes…_

What had I done to deserve this pain?  
>This suffering is enough to make me go insane!<br>I had always been loyal and the best I could be,  
>But somehow, it was something you just couldn't see.<p>

I get it, I do. Maybe I'm just not 'The One.'  
>But how is he better? He's Tigerstar's son!<br>Yes, he may be big and he may be strong,  
>But Squirrelflight, can't you see? Your decision was wrong!<p>

I'm perfect for you, so why can't you see that?  
>I'm so much better for you than that traitorous rat!<br>"_No, no, of course, I won't hold a grudge_!"  
>See, that's your first mistake, darling. You should be a better judge.<p>

Did you really think that after everything, we would still be friends?  
>HAHAHAHA! No, no, Squirrelflight, my darling… tonight it <em>ends<em>.  
>I am done playing games and I am no longer your toy!<br>Tonight, will be the first time I feel real joy.

"_Why are you doing this, Ashfur?_" you're asking me.  
>Well, beautiful, it's time that you finally see.<br>See the agony I've gone through and the pain that you've made!  
>This is the price that has to be paid.<p>

It wasn't just being left behind that made me this way,  
>It was the pain I faced after; day after day!<br>Didn't you ever consider not to rub it in so much?  
>But even just brushing past you; you'd cringe at my touch.<p>

And then the kits were born, how beautiful they were!  
>They'd jump, laugh, and play… they'd purr and they'd purr!<br>But did you ever stop to think, what if one of them was pale gray?  
>And with darker flecks on his back… wouldn't you like it that way?!<p>

One would be Brindlekit, after my mother.  
>She'd be bright ginger, unlike her gray brother.<br>StarClan's never seen kits as perfect as ours!  
>But… they'll never be born. They're just wishes on stars.<p>

I'd have been happy with one kit, two kits, or even three!  
>Just as long as you were there raising them next to me.<br>But… Squirrelflight, you're not. You left me for him…  
>And that's why I'm going to rip your kits apart, limb from limb.<p>

…What do you mean, they're not yours, Squirrelflight?  
>You're lying! You're just telling me this, out of… out of spite!<br>Oh StarClan, please tell me this isn't a joke?  
>Finally, this disgusting family will go up in smoke!<p>

I'll tell them all, I swear on my life that I will!  
>Tomorrow, at the Gathering! It'll be such a thrill!<br>Tomorrow, it'll be you who will be left in the dirt,  
>you'll be crying, screaming… and trust me, you'll <em>hurt<em>.

So go now, get out! Get out of my sight!  
>And you might want to enjoy the peace while it lasts, Squirrelflight.<br>You should probably start getting prepared,  
>Tomorrow's the day you'll wish I still cared.<p>

I go to my nest, knowing I won't sleep at all.  
>All night I kept thinking, it'll soon be Squirrelflight's downfall.<br>But… is this what I want? Is it really what I need?  
>Did I ever even want to make my one love <em>bleed<em>?

I know what it's like, to be torn to a shred,  
>To be stomped on and broken; to be left for the dead.<br>I get out of my nest, no longer elated.  
>Do I really need to make that family so hated?<p>

What am I saying? Of course I do!  
>But I can't help but think, "<em>Would Squirrelflight do that to you<em>?"  
>Yes, she hurt me and yes, I want to make her pay.<br>But would I feel any better by doing it this way?

"_She didn't mean to hurt you_," Again, there goes that tiny voice.  
>I reply to myself, "But leaving me was her choice."<br>And suddenly hits me. I stop dead in my tracks.  
>Making her hurt, wouldn't fix me; it wouldn't fill in the cracks!<p>

There's an angry voice in my head! It's yelling at me!  
>"<em>You're backing down now? Her pain will set you FREE<em>!"  
>I stumble to the ground, clutching my head.<br>These voices, this anger… I'd rather be _dead_!

I can't take this much longer; it's ripping me apart!  
>Squirrelflight, oh Squirrelflight, why did you play with my heart?<br>I loved you so much, but you went and betrayed me!  
>Why? WHY? I don't understand! I don't see!<p>

"_Destroy her! Make her feel your pain!"_  
>"No! Leave me alone! You have nothing to gain!"<br>I can't do this anymore. It hurts so bad!  
>Squirrelflight… you've turned me completely mad…<p>

Why do I love you?  
>Why can't you love me too?<br>But the biggest question is one no one thought to ask…  
>Wasn't there a moment… when you saw through my mask?<p>

Did you ever look at me and just see my pain?  
>And thought, "<em>Hm, maybe Ashfur's feelings didn't wash away with the rain<em>."  
>No… no you didn't. I already knew that…<br>Because you… you're just a heartless she-cat.

But yet, I won't tell your secret… I'll keep it with me.  
>Maybe now you'll notice… you'll finally see,<br>That I've always put your intentions first.  
>Maybe it's love… maybe it's insanity… maybe I'm cursed.<p>

But one thing's for sure… I want this pain to go away.  
>I want it to leave! And away it will stay!<br>And that's why I don't move when I see Hollyleaf coming,  
>Not even when towards me, she starts running.<p>

Run faster! Hurry up! Rake your claws down my chest!  
>Rip out my heart! Give me your best!<br>IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO? JUST KILL ME THIS INSTANT!  
>BE STRONG, BE A FIGHTER… DON'T LOOK IN MY EYES! BE DISTANT!<p>

Kill me, kill me, _kill_ _me_! Please just end my misery…  
>Take my life… take it from me…<br>I'm begging you, Hollyleaf. Please.  
>No, don't hesitate… please don't tease.<p>

Yes, yes, rip out my throat!  
>Push me into the river! Make me <em>float<em>!  
>Finally, you're here to take away my pain!<br>This torture… this agony… I want to be slain!

I splash in the water, feeling my life leaving…  
>And along with it leaves this suffering; this grieving.<br>My mind is going numb but maybe that's for the best.  
>Because I can't do this anymore; I just want to <em>rest<em>.

The place where she clawed still stings a little,  
>But nowhere near as much as my heart… It's grown brittle.<br>I just… I can't do this anymore. This pain, these voices, this constant narration.  
>The urge to cause pain; all the temptation!<p>

I can feel the insanity drain from my body,  
>And finally, <em>finally<em>, I am** FREE**!

No more pain, agony, suffering.  
>I'm done, it's over. I'm going to StarClan.<br>I'm no longer crazy, I'm just Ashfur.  
>A normal, painless, <em>happy<em> warrior.

Thank you, Hollyleaf, I'll forever be in your debt.  
>Tell Squirrelflight I forgive her… and that I'm sorry.<br>I'll watch you from StarClan, I promise you that.  
>And I promise, that I will never hurt you again.<p>

…_And Death is the Only Cure._


End file.
